


Like Hipsters and Condescension

by lucidwaking



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: He drove North, Lucifer didn't go to Vegas, This is weird, but I have to write it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-05
Updated: 2017-05-14
Packaged: 2018-10-28 04:52:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10824144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucidwaking/pseuds/lucidwaking
Summary: Lucifer wasn't thinking when he pointed his car toward the I-5. He just started driving trying to escape answers to questions he didn't ask. Instead of escaping them he finds more.AKA Lucifer visits Portland (yes that Portland)





	1. Oregon?

**Author's Note:**

> I had another draft of this somewhere but it's gone. This is unbeta'd. My first Lucifer fic and my first fic in general in a LONG time so bear with me. This is going to be weird.

Lucifer wasn't thinking clearly when he pointed his car toward the I-5. Over and over again his mother's words echoed in his brain soiling every memory he had come to cherish. _None of it was real._ He growled in frustration and punched the steering wheel. Once again he had been manipulated, well no more. His foot slammed on the accelerator and his problems began to disappear into the night. _Just a few more miles in the rearview mirror. A little further and I won't feel this way._    
  
Distance was the only solution he could come up with. So he drove, endlessly, stopping only for gas and cigarettes. Names of cities, exits, and attractions. None of it held any appeal. As the sun began to rise on a new day he crossed the Oregon border. The mountains filling the air with the scent of pine. Hadn't it been this way the whole way through northern California? Surely a line on a map doesn't carry the weight of change and yet something felt... different.

"Oregon," he scoffed, "Nothing but hippies and serial killers." Yet, as the fog lifted and the daylight cleared the air he couldn't help but feel something. Some unknown feeling tugging the corners of his tired mind. "Oh, that's right. Weed is already legal here." He mumbled passing a billboard for a dispensary. A quick stop and several hundred dollars later, Lucifer was flying high down the highway. Flagrantly breaking the law about smoking in public... and while driving.

The tall pines waved lightly in a soft breeze. The road curved delicately for miles of pleasant solitude and intermingled traffic. A few hours later the devil found himself in Portland. "Of all places," he grumbled, "Bloody fucking hipsters." His stomach growled persistently. His hunger more palpable and real than it had felt in ages.  _Damn. This must be some great weed to bring on these kind of munchies._ He drove haphazardly through the streets nearly hitting a bicyclist who shouted at him and gave him the finger. "Same to you asshole." He mumbled and quickly found a parking spot.

Finding a pizza shop he devoured two slices and wandered down to a bar. Several glasses of fancy micro-brew, cider, and signature cocktails, Lucifer felt as far from his problems as he could ever be. He merrily strolled the streets petting dogs and complimenting strangers on the bizarre yet delightful wardrobe choices. He threw a $50 in the guitar case of a man playing his soul out and rocking a knee length mauve dress. 

_What even is this place?_  He wondered to himself as he meandered onto a train and ended up at some kind of farmer's market. He sampled some biscuits, some bread, and some home grown jam, along with goat cheese, pickles, and drinking vinegar. What a bizarre place! A strange sound caught his attention it sounded ancient and mystical. he followed it to its source and found a man playing an empty propane tank. Lucifer chuckled loudly at the discovery and heard a musical laughter in reply. That voice was familiar.

He turned to see a beautiful long haired native born woman, though this woman wasn't native to this earth at all.

"Azrael? But how?" His sister smiled as she sauntered over with a small smile. She took his hand and gave it a squeeze.

"Oh brother, have I so much to tell you."


	2. The Devil Doesn't Hike

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucifer meets his sister's companion.

"Come, take a walk with me," Azrael suggested innocuously gesturing absently with her free hand. The other arm toting a bag filled with vegetables. Lucifer nodded confusedly and follows his sister as the sidewalk begins to gain elevation.

Soon the sidewalks are replaced by wooded oaths. Lucifer grumbles discouragingly, "Az, I love you, but the devil does not hike."

Azrael chuckles softly, "Come along now it's not much further."

Not much further is a matter of perception and for Lucifer, trudging uphill in what most assuredly are not hiking boots it seems like much further. The trees finally begin to give way as a small path edges to a clearing. A lavish cabin tucked into the hillside greets them. 

Lucifer is startled by a noise to his left and takes a large step back as a horse approaches the pair with a gentle bucket. 

"Hi boy," Azrael Coos as she retrieves a carrot from her bag and feeds it to her companion. 

"The pale horse himself, I presume?" Lucifer eyes the beast with wary curiosity. His long mane shines gold between two light blue eyes. He really is pale, his color almost imperceptibly pearl with just the faintest outline of distinction between a strong white blaze covering most of his face. 

"He won't bite." Azrael tells her brother. The horse uses his prehensile lip to search Lucifer's pockets for any treats. 

"Equine, this is Armani." He protests and receives an indignant snort covering the aforementioned garment in a fine layer of horse snot. 

"Oh that's just... splendid." He grumbles much to his sister's amusement. "You know for one of the fearsome four horses he is rather small. "

"He is the height of his ancestors. It's only been a recent fad to breed horses taller, to stroke the ego of their riders no doubt." Azrael retorts bitterly.

"Right..." Lucifer mutters as he steps away from the horse and toward the cabin up ahead. "You said you had things to tell. So do tell."

He turns to face his sister who is facing away staring out at the snow covered peaks in the distance. "Beautiful, isn't it?"

"Yes, well." He was going to say if you've seen one mountain you've seen them all. That he's seen mountains rise and fall as centuries turned and civilizations collapsed, but there was something so strangely perfect about it. "I suppose Father did well on that one."

Azrael turned with fierce excitement in her eyes. "Except he didn't."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DUN DUN DUN BLASPHEMY!!


	3. Just Say No to Mushrooms Kids

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Azrael fills in Lucifer on her exploits and discoveries.

"What are you on about? Have you taken to many hippie drugs? It's the mushrooms isn't it?" Lucifer asks in the tone only a worried older brother could have.

This again garners a laugh from Azrael, "I assure you, it's nothing of the sort. Come with me to dinner and I'll explain everything."

"If you insist. Though I'm still fairly certain you've gone barmy."

"Come on let's get this produce put away." She leads him past a garden path, past a babbling brook, and over a small rock bridge that l are to her home.

"If you've got a garden why pick up produce at all?"

"Mors likes the carrots from the farmer's market better."

"You named the Pale Horse of Death after a Roman death God? Oh how blasphemous. I love it."

Azrael only answer was a sparkling smile as she arranged her vegetables in the crisper. 

Lucifer admired the exposed cedar wood, the open floor plan, the marble countertops, and the wall to wall windows. He meandered from the kitchen into the living room and plopped down on the couch. 

"This is quite a nice place you've got here. Not particularly my taste, but very elegant for a cabin."

"Thanks, the man who lived here before was a software designer or something of the like. So did you want to grab some drinks before dinner?"

"Always up for a drink, Sis. But I have to know what you meant when said Dad didn't create those mountains."

"I meant what I said," Azrael deadpans as she grabs a light jacket. "You drove here, yes?"

"Yes, well, I parked it downtown."

"It's not far, come on."

"Another walk?"

"Come on you can afford to work up an appetite."

"Supernatural metabolism."

Azrael smirks, "You haven't noticed anything different here?"

"Well, everything is different here."

"I meant about yourself."

"Myself?" He looks at her strangely and thinks for a moment. "Well, now that you mention it. I do feel a little... odd."

"That's what I've been trying to say." Azrael mumbles as they make their way back to the city taking a much quicker route than last time. "Here we're not under Father's control. But that also means our powers..."

She demonstrates by showing him her wings were translucent, almost invisible. They looked like fairy's wings. 

"They don't quite work. It's like running a Diesel engine on ethanol. We age here Lucifer. Albeit, much more slowly than humans."

"Age?" Lucifer said in a panicked voice. "Why on earth would you stay here?"

Azrael shrugged as they made it to his corvette. Smirking she said, "Yours?"

"She's a beautiful piece of machinery and you know it. But answer the question dear sister. Why would you want this? And how do you know all of this."

"That conversation is going to require alcohol."


	4. The Old Gods Are(n't) Dead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drinks. Conversation and the secrets to the universe.

Sitting behind the stained glass figure of a bird, much like a church dove, but this one a black crow, Lucifer and Azrael are several drinks in to a deep conversation.

"So just to recap, our powers don't work here, we aren't immortal, there are bloody rose bushes lining the highway, and my word, these drinks are fantastic."

"Well, our powers don't entirely work. It's more like they run on different energy and they work poorly. I can still see souls. I just don't have any idea where they go."

"And your blade? How did mum get her paws on that? Unleashed quite the bloody havoc. And poor Uriel..." He finishes off his drink. "Wiped out of existence."

Azrael looks deadly serious at him and a small smile forms. "I saw him. Luci. On his way to wherever else there is. He isn't gone."

"You're lying to make me feel better." Lucifer bitterly snarls. 

"I wouldn't lie to you. He told me what he said to you, 'the piece is here.' Believe me now?"

"He really? He's really not gone?"

"I'm not entirely sure. But that's why I'm here. Part of it anyway."

"How'd you mean? And you never said how mum stole your blade anyway."

"I traded it for information. I was actually on my way to see you. As soon as I found this place, a place where Father isn't in control, where he can't tamper with our lives. I thought you'd be dying to come here. The Ring of Fire sits on a geographical conflux of mystical energies. We're invisible to him here."

"But we age. We... we can die? And then what?"

"Everyone has theories. Reincarnation, another universe, another plane of existence. Who knows?"

 "I'm still a little fuzzy on this... or maybe it's the drink. I can't usually feel a buzz unless the Detective is around."

"Is that your human?"

"She isn't  _my_ human. She's my... partner. My friend. But, Dad sent her. Put her in my path, none of it's real." His voice teeters on the edge of rage and sadness. He finishes his drink, holding the glass hard to steady his temper. The glass will shatter if he doesn't let go.  
  
"I think we ought to take a walk before I tell you any more. I'd rather you not get upset. Father knows neither of us is good with our temper. Though, I must tell you, I've been quite happy here."  
  
"Happy?" Lucifer asks as if it were the first time he had understood the meaning of the word.

Azrael nods and urges him to follow her. She tosses a bill to the barkeep and they make their way toward the door and begin walking down the street. They meander along flower lined gardens, boldly painted houses, and strong old trees. It's surprisingly quiet save for an occasional bird and the whisper of the breeze.

Lucifer looks sullen, hands in his pockets, for the first few blocks. Eventually, he sighs heavily looks around the neighborhood then back to his sister. "So, Az... what  _did_ mom tell you?"

Azrael stops and seems to consider the answer for a few moments. She looks to her brother and her eyes travel skyward, "The Old Gods Aren't Dead."  
  



End file.
